She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Couch. On fire.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
