She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
