eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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