I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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