you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
