So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize