Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
