Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
