My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
lol hangovers are for mortals.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
