I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
