Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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