Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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