So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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