Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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