I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
