You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
