U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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