dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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