ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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