Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
