Cold hands, warm shart.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
