We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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