$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
