I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
