at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
