At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
