I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She announced her abortion via fbk
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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