Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
