worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
nutella sex= disaster
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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