I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
