what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
