im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
