I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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