She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
