i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize