i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
