I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
3 2 1 whiskey
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
