I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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