Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
