i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
