Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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