Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
