There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
