I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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