I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
