My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
