My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
