I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
