Me too!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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