apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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