DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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