from now on my penis is your penis
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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