they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
