I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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