Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
