i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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