With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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