carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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