im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
