OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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