at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
