I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
