He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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