I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
