Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
