when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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