i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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