Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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